Decision Fatigue

Symptoms, diagnosis, prognosis, treatment plans, medication, self-care, pain, fatigue, limitations in daily activity, frequent visits to doctors, gaslighting, social isolation, ghosting, relapse, flare-ups, mental health issues, complications and comorbidities, financial strain, navigational/mobility issues, employment, education and health disparity, lifestyle changes, and accepting a future with uncertainty.

Scary right? But isn’t this what most of us deal with on an everyday basis with NMOSD?

So why am I listing all of this? I am speaking about a very crucial point, called decision fatigue.

A body free of chronic illness

During my healthy years, the time that I used to decide anything was quick and sometimes spontaneous. And even if some major decisions required time and energy, it wouldn’t take a toll on my health or drain me. And occasionally if I would put my foot in my mouth, it wouldn’t matter that much because I was confident and able to pull out of it.

I did have off-and-on mental health issues and had 3-4 surgeries during that time, but when you have a healthy body, a body free of chronic illness, everything is still manageable. The big advantage of not being chronically ill is the freedom, because you know that you will be able to make strong decisions and figure things out one way or the other.

Even in the worst circumstances, your body is supporting you.

NMOSD was not on my list

I clearly remember my really good days, when I would spend my time crocheting, relaxing, reading books, or spending time with my daughter. Eating whatever and traveling wherever. I remember planning a beautiful future with my daughter that included loads of travel, camping, and exploring cuisines. Everything that I missed as a child. I wanted to give her life without having to worry about anything.

Whatever I planned, NMOSD was never on my list so there wasn’t the stress of making each decision cautiously and doing the maths a thousand times in my head. Looking at the pros and cons. 

Decision fatigue

Sometimes I would forget a decision, then do the wrong thing and regret it. Initially, I thought it was just brain fog alone, but I realized it was a classic case of decision fatigue.

So what was happening to me? My body was exhausted both mentally and physically. Emotionally I was very vulnerable, completely drained out. As a result, my brain started to malfunction due to mental overload. Not all the days were bad but 90–95 percent were when it came to making decisions.

Honestly, I am scared of the surprise element of NMOSD. There is no set rule for this illness. I don’t know in what direction will my day go. I am fully aware that any decision that I take will have a direct impact on my daughter, health, and finances. Hence, I have to do a lot of planning.

Coping with too many decisions

I have to write things down and then create a backup plan too just in case things take another turn. So I would decide about certain things and then have a backup for that decision.

Not that I am not enjoying the new normal me. Still, when it comes to decisions I have become a bit vulnerable and low in confidence - because now I have to seriously ponder about consequences too.

Now the situation is, that I have my days where I ask my daughter and mom repetitively if I am doing the right thing or if such-and-such decision is accurate. And other times, I totally procrastinate for days. And then rare fun days, where I would be so down and frustrated with the whole drama of what chose that I would act very impulsively only to regret it later.

I have been told to keep my choices short. Delegate things to people around me. Which in my case I am unable to do. The only thing that I can do is meditate and exercise which has helped me deal with anxiety levels but not with the decision fatigue syndrome.