I feel like I'm going crazy

Life. Who do we turn to when we look ok on the outside but inside the struggle is soooooo real.
I've have AQP4 positive nmosd for the past 30 or so years. I developed my first symptoms at around 18 years of age and remained undiagnosed and misdiagnosed with MS until 2018.
I also have dyslexia and I'm never sure if what I'm experiencing cognitively on the day is asa result of the NMO, the dyslexia or if it's just me being dumb....?
I did manage to get a university degree but beyond that I feel brain dead. I'm now in my late 40's and quite honestly life has never been so difficult. I survived 17 years of DV emergency brain surgery and countless other BS all to come to this.....WTF